How not to be a #keto jerk on Thanksgiving
Five Rules to Not Being A Hot Jerk On Thanksgiving
There is one day each year that our great country comes together and agrees on something for just a moment. On Thanksgiving day, Americans everywhere commune together in an almost spiritual experience with our friends and family. Thanksgiving is a glorious holiday representing the history of our nation and our own gratitude for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. On Thanksgiving we agree to engage in an activity that clearly expresses abundance and joy.
By stuffing our faces with as much food as possible.
We gather with our loved ones and bask in our thankfulness with pumpkin pie, turkey, cranberries, rolls, green beans until we are the size of Violet Beauregarde when she turns into a blueberry in Willy Wonka.
But wait, you say! This year will be different!
Since last Thanksgiving, you discovered a new healthier way of life. You began eating #keto or #lowcarb or #vegetarian or doing intermittent fasting. I can imagine your new and improved body now and I’m incredibly impressed. I myself will be strutting into Thanksgiving this year sans elastic-waisted-stretchy-pants 40 pounds lighter than the year before thanks to low carb and fasting. One thing is for sure, the crew at Thanksgiving will notice my new and improved shell and they will kindly ask, compliment and question me. All of their inquisitiveness will occur while they consume massive quantities of delicious food (as tradition dictates).
If people ask about your weight loss and improved health, answer their questions. If they compliment your hotness, thank them. Then move on to another topic.
Five Rules to Not Being A Hot Jerk On Thanksgiving
1) Do Not Fast!- You believe in intermittent fasting and that is fantastic but the one day of the year you shouldn’t fast is Thanksgiving day. Want to fast before and after the celebrations? Great! Want to go to the event while everyone enjoys the feast and you sit in the corner moaning about how hungry you are? No!
There is a time to fast and a time to feast and this is the one holiday a year devoted specifically to feasting. If you have decided that you absolutely must fast on Thanksgiving then stay home or show up at the gathering after the eating is done. Yes, you have the right to fast whenever you choose but no one wants to watch you do it while they pig out on Thanksgiving.
2) Saying the word Carbs is Forbidden - “Oh, wow, that apple pie has like 87 carbs per slice!” Shut up, Cousin Janet! That is what people are thinking when you take away their joy. Do not utter the words carbs, sugar or anything of the sort. Let your loved ones eat what they want. You also get to eat or NOT eat what you want. You don’t need to point out that you won’t be eating that evil pie or satanic cornbread dressing. Just shut up already and eat what you want. (PS: If you have a relative who does this and you enjoy adult beverages, take a shot every time he/she says the word keto or carbs. PPS: Tequila has zero carbs.)
3) Enjoy yourself - Know what ruins a party? A hot person sitting in the corner not eating and yapping about carbs and sugar. Your job is to enjoy yourself. Know what is really hot? A hot person with a smile on their face eating what they choose to eat or not eat and asking their loved ones about the past year.
4) Bring your own food - It is perfectly ok if you are devoted to a low carb, keto, vegetarian way of eating and you would like to remain that way during Thanksgiving dinner. If you are concerned that the only available foods at the event will be items you prefer not to eat, then bring your own. Bring appetizers, dessert, side dishes or anything you would enjoy. Make sure to make enough for everyone and put it on a cute plate. When someone asks you what the dish is don’t say “It is a low carb, organic, grass-fed cheese tray handcrafted by artisans from Scottish pygmy goats.” (Seriously, shut up Uncle Steve) Instead say “This is a yummy cheese tray. The orange one is cheddar, this one is blue cheese and this one is a creamy spread. Please have some.”
5) Add a little activity to your day - If you decide to feast on this day and even indulge in some items you might not regularly eat then consider adding a bit of exercise to your day. After our Thanksgiving we all go for a group walk. Yes, I know - we aren’t the most athletic bunch. But, at least we move our stuffed tummies. I know other families that play touch football after lunch or even run a half marathon the morning of Thanksgiving. Choose whatever sounds like a cool idea to you and offer your loved ones to join you.
If you are a seasoned fasting pro, keto gal or low carb guy and you’d like to prepare for Thanksgiving eating, I suggest reading Megan Ramos’s piece. https://idmprogram.com/how-to-fast-and-feast-for-thanksgiving/
In the end, Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude and love. Enjoy yourself, your family and your friends. Allow yourself to feel thankful for food and life. To Your Health And Hotness! Happy Thanksgiving.